The Inutility of Being: Rediscovering Contemplative Life Meaning Beyond the Self

We often approach the idea of a spiritual path with the same consumerist hunger that drives us to buy a new car or learn a new language. We are tired of the superficiality of modern existence, the noise of the attention economy, and the vulgarity of constant self-improvement. So, we turn to what we call the spiritual life, hoping to find a more "mature" version of ourselves. We look for a contemplative life meaning that might finally offer a reward for our efforts. But what if the very idea of a reward is the barrier? What if the "you" that is looking for meaning is actually the only thing standing in the way of the totality that is already here? When we look toward traditions of meditation and contemplation, we often do so because we want to change. We want to move from being a separate self that feels judged by a personal God on a cloud to being something more expansive—perhaps a "fissure" through which the absolute explores itself. This is a beautiful image, a dance of reality. Yet, even in this more sophisticated vision, a subtle fear often remains. It is the vertigo of realizing that the mystery surrounding us is not merely human and does not care about our "progress." We miss the old, comforting idea of a divine friend who watches our good deeds. We feel a sense of loss because we realized there is no one to give us a prize for being "good" or for meditating correctly. But who is this "me" that is afraid? Who is the one asking for a consolation prize? The truth is that we treat meditation like a ladder, a way to get from point A to point B. We think that if we sit in silence long enough, we will eventually reach a state of enlightenment. But enlightenment is not a destination. It is not something you "achieve" in the future. If the absolute is truly the totality, it must include you right now, exactly as you are, in all your confusion and limitation. If the infinite didn't include you at the start of your "journey," it wouldn't be infinite; it would be the infinite-minus-one, which is a mathematical absurdity. You are already what you are looking for. The wave does not need to travel across the sea to become the ocean. It is the ocean, expressed as a wave. In this light, we can see that meditation is not a practice or a tool. It is not a "doing" to "have." Instead, it is a wonderfully useless form of celebration. Think of music or dance. We do not play a song to get to the final note as quickly as possible. We do not dance to reach a specific spot on the floor. We dance for the joy of the movement itself. Real contemplative life meaning is found when we stop trying to use silence as a medicine to fix a broken self and instead allow it to be an ornament of reality. It is a game played for the sake of playing. When meditation is no longer a chore or a method for self-improvement, it becomes a spontaneous expression of life.