The Donkey and the Rider: Why Meditation, Low Self Esteem and Seeking are Just Waves in the Ocean

We often find ourselves in a peculiar situation, much like a person frantically searching for a donkey while they are already sitting on its back. This is the comedy of the seeker. We look for peace, for clarity, or for an end to the noise of the separate self, not realizing that the one looking is already the very thing being sought. There is a common misunderstanding that we must go somewhere or become something else. But where is there to go? If the absolute is truly the totality, it must include us exactly as we are in this moment. If it didn’t, it wouldn't be the absolute; it would be something partial, and we would be the only ones left out of the party. When we talk about things like meditation, low self esteem or the desire to improve the body-mind, we are operating on a horizontal level. On this level, life presents us with constant challenges. The body-mind is a functional unit, a relational tool that moves through the world. It can be well-tuned or it can be out of sync. In this context, meditation is quite useful. It can harmonize the relationship between the body and the mind, create a sense of calm, and help us see the automatic reactions that usually govern our days. If the separate self feels heavy or inadequate, sitting in silence might bring comfort. It might even help the thoughts to dry up, leaving a space where the mind functions with more clarity and less useless chatter. But we must be very clear: none of this brings us closer to what we already are. What we are is vertical. It is not a process in time. The separate self loves the idea of a journey because a journey implies a future achievement, a "me" that will eventually recognize what you already are. But liberation is not of the "me," it is from the "me." It is the recognition that the character in the dream was never the one having the dream. The dreamer is the totality, and the totality is already here, appearing as the seeker, the seeking, and the sought-after goal. Whether the body-mind is currently experiencing high confidence or meditation low self esteem, the aware presence remains untouched. It is like a screen upon which a film is projected; the screen doesn't become wet when it films the ocean, nor does it burn when it films a fire. Many people feel lonely on this pathless path. They find the spiritual marketplace loud, filled with guided voices and new age music that only adds more layers to the noise. They are tired of the spiritual separate self that often grows in groups. What is actually sought is a space before words. We think we need to understand what we are, but the mind is far too small for that. You can know every corner of a room, its dimensions and its furniture, but that knowledge will never tell you what the building containing the room is like. The mind is a room within the absolute. It can never "know" the absolute, and it doesn't need to, because you already are it.