Riding the Donkey While Searching for It: The Myth of Spiritual Achievement

Silence isn't something we practice. It is what appears when the seeker finally stops seeking. But who is seeking, and what are they looking for? When we truly look, we find there is no one there doing the looking. There is just this—open, aware, and already complete. We often find ourselves caught in the trap of thinking that peace is a destination, a far-off land we might reach if we only follow the right steps or join the latest spiritual trend. We might hear about the deepak and oprah 21 day meditation and think that after three weeks, a new version of ourselves will emerge, one that is finally "enlightened." But the separate self that wants to be enlightened is the very thing that obscures the view of what is already here. There is a beautiful irony in the way we approach spirituality. It is like a person frantically searching for their donkey while they are already sitting on its back, riding it. We look everywhere—in books, in retreats, in apps, and in programs like the deepak and oprah 21 day meditation—hoping to find the absolute. We act as if the aware presence we are looking for is a hidden treasure buried under layers of bad habits or mental noise. But how can we find what we have never lost? The absolute isn't at the end of a journey. It is the journey itself, the seeker, and the very act of seeking. The frustration we feel when we don't "achieve" a state of zen is simply the body-mind reacting to the impossibility of the task. You cannot become what you already are. ## The Illusion of the Spiritual Ladder We are conditioned to believe in progress. In our professional lives, we climb ladders; in our physical lives, we train for marathons. Naturally, we try to apply this same logic to the spirit. We think that if we meditate for twenty minutes today, we are one step closer to a goal. But in the realm of the absolute, there is no horizontal movement. There is no "getting better" at being. The body-mind might become more relaxed, and the nervous system might find comfort in the rhythm of a deepak and oprah 21 day meditation, but that comfort has nothing to do with the totality of what we are. The absolute is not a reward for good behavior or consistent practice. It is the screen upon which the entire film of your life is projected. Whether the film is a tragedy, a comedy, or a boring documentary about a person trying to meditate, the screen remains unchanged. We must ask ourselves: who is the one trying to improve? We often speak of the "io" or the "I" as if it were a solid entity, a pilot sitting inside the head steering the body-mind through life. But if we look closely, we see that this separate self is just a collection of thoughts, memories, and sensations. It is a functional unit, a way for the body-mind to navigate the environment, but it has no independent substance. Liberation is not the liberation of this "I." It is liberation *from* the "I." It is the realization that the pilot is just another part of the scenery. When we realize this, the pressure to "attain" something vanishes. We see that the absolute is present in the distraction just as much as it is in the focus. The absolute is not waiting for us to stop being distracted; it is the very space in which distraction arises. ## The Vertical Dimension of Now Most spiritual teachings focus on the horizontal plane—the plane of time, improvement, and cause and effect. They tell us that if we do X, then Y will happen. This is why things like the deepak and oprah 21 day meditation are so popular; they promise a result at the end of a period of time. But the dimension of absolute freedom is vertical. It is a plunge into the "now" that has no duration. It isn't about transcending the present as if we are going somewhere else; it is about recognizing that the present is the only thing that ever is. Time is a mental construct we use to organize the story of the separate self. In the reality of aware presence, there is no past to heal and no future to reach. Think of silence not as the absence of noise, but as the ground that allows noise to be heard. You don't need to quiet the world to find silence. The silence is already here, underneath the traffic, the thoughts, and the guided voices of a meditation app. It is like the space in a room; you can fill the room with furniture, people, and loud music, but the space itself is never crowded, never loud, and never changes. We are that space. The body-mind experiences the noise, the joy, and the suffering, but the aware presence that we are is untouched by it. This is why we say there is no path. A path implies a distance between where you are and where you want to be. But how can there be a distance between you and yourself? ## The Totality Includes the Imperfect There is a common misconception that enlightenment means a life of perfect calm, where we are always kind, always patient, and always "spiritual." But the absolute is not a moral category. It includes everything. It includes the moments of anger, the periods of deep sadness, and the messy reality of being a human being. The totality is not just the beautiful sunset; it is also the storm. It is the person practicing a deepak and oprah 21 day meditation, and it is the person who has never uttered a mantra in their life. Both are perfect expressions of the absolute. We often feel alone in our seeking, frustrated by the noise of the world and the "spiritual separate self" we encounter in groups. We want a space where we can just be, without the chatter, without the instructions, and without the need to perform. This is the value of sitting in silence with others—not because the group will "get us there," but because the shared silence acts as a mirror, reflecting the fact that there is nowhere to go. In that stillness, we stop trying to fix the body-mind. We stop trying to be "better" seekers. We simply allow the totality to move through us. Whether the body-mind is functioning well or poorly, whether it is being generous or selfish, it is all a dance of the same energy. The dream continues, but the dreamer is awake to the fact that it is a dream. ## The End of the Seeker What happens when the seeker realizes there is nothing to find? The seeking doesn't necessarily stop, but the desperation behind it evaporates. We might still sit in silence, we might still engage with a deepak and oprah 21 day meditation for the simple comfort it brings to the body-mind, but we no longer believe these things are keys to a locked door. The door was never locked; in fact, there was never even a wall. The separate self is the one who imagines the wall, and then spends years trying to climb over it. When we stop trying to reach the absolute, we find that we are already standing in it. It is the aware presence that is reading these words right now. It is the sensation of your feet on the floor. It is the sound of your own breath. It is not hidden behind a veil of thoughts; it is the very light that allows the thoughts to be seen. You are the ocean, and the waves of your life—the highs, the lows, the seeking, and the finding—are just movements of your own water. A wave doesn't need to travel to the ocean to become it; it already is the ocean, even in its most turbulent state. We are not here to learn how to be aware. We are here to notice that awareness is the only constant. Everything else—our thoughts, our bodies, our identities—is in a state of constant flux. But the conscious presence that witnesses the flux does not move. It does not grow, it does not diminish, and it certainly does not need twenty-one days to become itself. It is the timeless "I am" that exists before the story of "I am this" or "I am that" begins. Who is it that is aware of the silence? Who is it that is aware of the noise? When you look for that one, you find only an open, vibrant emptiness that is full of everything. If you find yourself weary of the noise, of the endless promises of spiritual growth, and the constant pressure to "achieve" awakening, perhaps it is time to simply sit. Not to get somewhere, but because sitting is what is happening. Not to find yourself, but to witness the self that was never lost. In the shared silence of those who have stopped running, there is a profound co-regulation, a strength that doesn't need words. It is the sacredness of what is, before the first word is spoken and after the last word fades away. If you feel called to rest in this wordless space, consider the Silent Presence Pass 24H. It is not a path, not a lesson, and not a promise of a future state. It is simply an invitation to be where you already are, together with others who have realized there is nowhere else to go. Is the rider looking for the donkey, or is the donkey carrying the rider who thinks they are walking? In the end, there is only the riding.